When the magical community came out three years ago (thus upsetting the gay community for stealing their Pride Month but then immediately making the festivities even more sparkly than before with literal fairies and unicorns prancing about the parades) Jillian Alice was a makeup guru, and made a small income from doing YouTube tutorials to supplement her part-time and dead-end job at a beauty supplies store.
It was shocking, to be sure, to find out that some of the tales of leprechauns and witches were true, but only by so much of a stretch, and oddly enough most of the world seemed rather accepting of this new development. Before the news had officially spread across the world, there were already several crowd-funded societies and charity start-ups with a mission to defend the rights and safety of these animals and peoples.
Some reckon that the way the laws and civil rights came into fruition so quickly had to do with magic and spells, but somehow a lot of people forgot about those rumors and now magic was just a part of life, unless of course you were a Mormon – they retreated to their bunkers quickly enough, expected the world’s end, and have not been heard of, since.
Jillian Alice, formerly ey3candy_tutorials, could not be quelled by the compliance spells (which the magical community still denied were ever cast), for her entire career had been uprooted and smote in the ashes.
See, who would want a makeup tutorial from a regular, mundane girl? Makeup had transformed – with the cast of a spell, your red lipstick could form a beautiful rose every time your puckered your lips. With the help of a fairy, your eyelashes could flutter, suddenly filled with light and dancing with constellations in real time. And, although the use of unicorn horn powder was banned in most countries, they had taking setting powder to a whole new level –talkin’ month-long-lasting makeup applications—so long as you were privy to using dried unicorn dung.
So, Jillian Alice, still spouting the ways of years prior of using primer (because had the long-term effects of Pixie Brew really been confirmed to be safe despite the fact that it delayed the aging process?) and painting on her eyebrows (she had refused to ask a werewolf for their formula to grow hair), was stuck in a rut that left her working at a convenience store check-out since beauty stores weren’t privy to her stubbornness to stick to the old ways.
On this day in particular that we find ourselves observing poor Jillian Alice, Hazel Everwise was coming into that same convenience store that Jillian Alice was working – there was only so much a witch could do, after all, before she needed to replenish her stock. The last three years had transformed witchcraft for no longer were potions limited to the natural ingredients often foraged from the woods, but scientific studies had been conducted testing the aptitude of spells using synthesized materials. With such a demand of options and spells, it had been hard on the ecosystem to keep hoarding supplies, and the new way was a better way for some things (although love potions were recently banned, it was noted that they were best left all natural, for the synthetic ingredients caused some insane delusions of reciprocated love as well).
So, with that in mind, Hazel Everwise put upon the register belt Clary Sage Oil (which could be found in the baking aisle, nowadays), mass-produced Troll Nose Hair Trimmings (they were working with the werewolves to nearly quadruple the growth of their nose hair which already grew at an alarmingly fast rate), lab-grown slugs, and a box of mice tails (which were thankfully now animal-friendly, as they had discovered a way to regrow mice tails and they found that mice, which were always suspected of being rather intelligent, willingly came to donate their tails with the promise of regrowing new ones).
Jillian Alice recognized these ingredients, for she had spent hours binge-watching the very tutorials that had put her out of the game, and saw that this was the base for making a long-wear lipstick that changed colors due to mood, ailment, and, when mercury was in retrograde, helped boost the signal of nearby cell phones. She let her eyes dart over Hazel Everwise, who hadn’t noticed the abrupt stop in being rung-up, and observed that the witch appeared to wear little, if any, make up herself. She seethed, wondering if it was some spell that gave her natural beauty.
Hazel Everwise, suddenly aware she was being examined, glanced up at Jillian Alice. Their eyes met, and Hazel saw the clear disdain for her reflected back in those eyes.
Jillian Alice huffed, telling her her total. Hazel Everwise had no idea what she had done to offend Jillian Alice, until she noted the telltale “cake” appearance of her makeup – the makeup fury had been well-known in the Witch Community, and while it wasn’t their fault that the beauty gurus of years past had to get with the new magic or fall behind, they knew very well that they were blamed for it.
“That’s a nice shade of lipstick,” Hazel Everwise said, politely.
Jillian Alice pursed her lips in disdain.
A flower bloomed from it.
Jillian Alice, feeling the sensation, reached her hand up and felt the flower that bloomed upon her lips. Her eyes wide, she stared at Hazel Everwise, who merely grabbed her bags, having paid, and left.
That night, Jillian Alice went home, washed her face, and threw out all of her old makeup. By the end of the week she’d acquired a new supply of Witchly Makeup. Similarly, Hazel Everwise went back to her apartment, where her roommate and fellow witch was sitting binge-watching a show on Netflix, and told her, “Some mundane was pissed that I’m a witch, so I cursed her lips to turn to a rose every time she puckered them.”
Her roommate chuckled. “And so the trend of turning curses to fashion continues.”
**Just a quick little something I wrote at work this morning. I’ve been reading 100 Years of Solitude again, and I think this mixes influences from both that and Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Anyways, hope you like. I don’t mean to offend anyone or anything (I love makeup, I love makeup gurus, I’m a witc-I MEAN I LIKE WITCHES. Just a little bit of satire and whatnot for your humpday.**